Wonder - Dragon

Date: November 18th 2008 Location: Canada, Ontario, Toronto. 0214 hours It is not often that I find myself lost in the past. It is against my nature to look back, just to go forward. Yet as I look up at the night sky I cannot help but realize the futility of it all. Why do I bother with things day to day? Why do I just keep going forward? What do I have to look forward to? Is there something to look forward to? What keeps me here? What is keeping me going? Perhaps it is hope that keeps me going. But do I have hope for anything? I am not sure. I guess that that is not the answer. Could it be that I believe there is someone out there for me? That is something very hard to believe in when there is not another of my kind. Is it the drive for fun? The search for continued amusement? Amusement is fleeting and after it is gone you are right back where you started. This cannot be why I am here. Was it what I was created for? I highly doubt this; the project was never finished. Is it that I fear of death and it is that fear keeping me from ending this? No, that cannot be. From the moment I was born death took me in its arms and held me in its grasp. Caressed me with its touch and given breath to my soul. I have lived with death and I fear it not. Turning my eyes to stare out over the city I am unable to suppress the silent echo of singularity that resonates within my heart. Humans do not realize how lucky they are. How truly blessed they are to live amongst their own, to be able to say that there is another out there like they. There are days when I would give almost anything to live one of their lives. A life without the death, without the pain, without the struggle to retain the little sanity that is left. A life where the right and wrong is dictated by the laws and rules you have grown up with that is not a deviation from the rest of society. A life where you can find some form of peace. A life that is not borne in darkness and fuelled by blood. What would it be like... to walk without the shadows. What would it be like to go places and not have people know that you are different, to be accepted for what you are- to know there is another creature like you. What that life would be like, to live amongst your own kind! These are the basic things that most humans take for granted. As if it is something they are entitled to from birth and not something they have to fight for. It is taken for granted that there are other humans in the world. That they are human. What does it even mean to be human? There is no set definition. Some say it is that they exist, others that they think, that they can love, that they have free will. This is something that philosophers have questioned throughout the ages. I suppose I would be a paradox to the definition, should one ever be agreed upon. Still I wonder, does any of that truly matter? The life we live? The days that go by? The nights left unremembered? What makes life worth living? Is that worth different to every being? It has to be. I refuse to believe there is only one reason for existence. There are far too many creatures and far too many possibilities for that reason to be just one. I do not know what keeps me going or what makes my life one worth living. I do not know what it means to be human or what it would be like to be human, though I do wonder. But for all that I do not there is one fact, one undisputable truth that I do. It is a truth that has remained constant from the very moment I was born to the moment that death shall take me away. That after all the pain, all the fighting and the killing there is one thing that I have lived with continues unchanging. For in this world of billions, when the sun vanishes beneath the horizon and the moon rises to kiss the sky, I know. Oh how I know it so. I am alone. Dragon