Random Chip Masters Things - Chip Masters

Well, I finally got to take a peek at the code that makes the evidence database chug. There's gotta be years of spaghetti code in this thing! It's gonna take some time to tighten up the code and get rid of all the gotos that slow it down. Once I get this all untangled, evidence retrieval requests and filings will fly a lot faster. Just give me a gallon of genmai-cha and I'll probably get this thing done in about a month. --- ACME may be a top-class organization, but that doesn't mean that some fellow desk jockeys have some lapses in knowledge when it comes to technology. Here are a few reminders: The CD drive in your computer was not built as a cupholder. Only CDs go in the CD tray. Likewise, the floppy drive is not a credit card reader. The mouse works best if it's kept on a horizontal surface; it's not a Wii Remote. The computer is the gray tower-like thing. The thing with the pictures on it is the monitor. Last but not least, if your computer is smoking or on fire, stop what you're doing, unplug the equipment, and call the fire department immediately! Don't worry about saving or proper shutdown procedures! --- Help Desk workers: Lately I've been recieving support tickets that are outside our scope of support. Please remember that I will not: purchase any gaming software or peripherals to be used on corporate computers; buy equipment for a caller's personal home; or help with problems that a caller is having at their house. If we're to do our job, we need to focus on what really matters and not slow ourselves down on trivial deatils. CM --- The basement of the ACME complex was the home of Chip Masters' domain. After the incident in which the main tower of the complex was stolen, Chip and his staff were relieved that the basement-- and thus, the server room -- were safe and stuck in the ground. It had been a hard few weeks for the IT department, clearing out the debris and retrofitting the server with links that were compatible to the old 80s dumb terminals being used in the temporary offices. On this particular day, Chip was sitting in his office looking out the back window at the robotic arm that shuffled data tapes around on a shelf. His personal assistant, Winston Payne, walked in. Winston was a young man, 17 years old with a slight build and a love for geek-culture ties. "Mr. Masters?" Winston asked. "Yeah, Payne?" Chip replied. "Why'd you take a desk job here?" Chip sighed. "Because the operation would fall apart if all of the people employed here were out chasing VILE. The guys out on the field need support from the office. Besides, there's also the chance to work with the famous Alexandria cluster." Winston rolled his eyes. "But you've gone on several road missions!" "For one, I'm a VP, and two, it's mostly consulting the detectives. I'm not seeking to become a detective. The work's not right for me. The C5's a nightmare to deal with, and there are some members of VILE I'd rather not deal with." Winston began to protest but was cut off. "I have skills that can be used on the field. You're not ready yet, that's why. Besides, your mother would be devestated if something happened to you. The chase isn't as glorious as the stories make it out to be." Winston stared at the ground in shame. "But listen, keep on taking those training courses and you'll get there soon enough. Now are you done with the printers yet?" Chip asked. Winston's eyes opened wide as he sped out of the room. Chip turned back to watch the arm going back and forth, sighing. "That kid..." --- MOBICON Why is there a brand spanking new Class-A motorhome in our garage? Well, let me tell you, it's not for vacation. I've been working with the people in the automotive branch to help create the Mobile Control Center, a focus point for the longer operations we have to go on. Inside are several tools dedicated to tracking and pursuit, including a satellite phone system with extenders and military-grade GPS mapping units. It also gets 800 channels of premium television, but that's just for catching up on the news! Not checking up on sports scores... I promise...